A gift idea for the man who has everything...

Ah, the Holidays where tempers flame up just as hot as the Yule log you got burning. A time when not only are you roasting chestnuts but also getting your nuts busted by those you call family. This is a confusing time of year for some people. Not only are loved ones faced with where to have holiday family get-togethers, but people are faced with gift buying etiquette (should I buy Uncle Bob a gift even though Uncle Bob is a douche and never gives no one anything). Sell that bullshit to the tourist, about "it's more about giving than recieving" after you've been stiffed for the fifth year in a row from the rich relative who you always remember, but they always seem to forget you unless they have a coupon for bullshit. Another hard thing about gift giving is what you get someone on your list that has amassed consumer goods and a lot of the easy gift buying ideas like CD’s and DVD’s.
Well for those of you out there clueless on what to get me for Christmas. I finally have a gift idea for you.

You got it bitches, the MacGyver multi-tool… Why, yes the godfather of mullets himself has the answer you’ve been looking for. How many times during the late 80’s did we not see this bastard blow up a bad guy's base with bubble gum and chest hair, or diffuse a nuclear bomb with one of these bad boys. Hell, I remember some kids really did make a bomb from an episode of MacGyver they saw. Which begs a couple of questions… one, how lame were they to be paying that much attention to MacGyver and two, who knew household Drano could do that?
So I hope this helps those out there looking for me this Yuletide season. I know I’m hard to shop for but now you have a hint for something I want so it should be no problem.
I can’t wait to get one of these bitches because I’m gonna use it to bust into an ATM machine at my local convenience store and make my get away with a cigarette lighter and two packs of Hubba Bubba chewing gum. First the local Golden Pantry…. Next… the world.